Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Marital Moments Issue 24 - The Highs & Lows, Part 1

Many of us who are married have taken vows. Some said the traditional vows; others wrote their own. Most of us included a part where we vowed to stand by our spouse no matter what came at us in life. The part that has been most tested in my own marriage has probably been the, "in sickness and in health," section.

I knew my husband had a chronic illness that he would be dealing with most of his life; but I don't believe I could have known to what extremes his health would take us. There are times when it is tough being the spouse of someone with chronic illness.

Everyone goes through highs and lows personally - whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or Spiritual. I would like to discuss how to get through the time periods when your spouse is at a "low" in one or more of those areas. This is an area that I believe I have both failed in and done successfully over the years. It is often during these time periods when intimacy and communication are lost and Satan can effectively form a wedge between husband and wife.

Here are a few scenarios to allow you to further see what I mean by this:

A wife is pregnant. She is sick, tired, demanding (after all, her husband got her pregnant), and defeated (her body is losing shape and she wants to feel better). Her husband is frustrated, drained from burning the candle on both ends, and desires to be able to just relax...neither of their needs are being met.

A wife is dealing with the loss of a parent. She is emotionally spent, confused, hurt, and cannot seem to get motivated to do the tasks of everyday life. Her husband has been very understanding and has taken up several of the everyday tasks, but is now getting frustrated that his wife isn't "snapping" out of it.

A husband has just received a promotion and orders to move to another state. He is excited, but also feeling the pressure to "perform well" on the job. Much has to be wrapped up before the move. Balance of life has been shifted right now - his career has taken top priority. The wife has suddenly received the news that they will be moving. Her emotions are running high - she will be leaving friends, family, and a school she has felt good about her children being in. Her husband doesn't seem to care or have time to discuss her emotions and she is feeling like most of the physical/household pressures of moving fall directly upon her.

What is your current scenario? Are you or your husband in a "low" moment? Take a couple of minutes to write out your current marriage scenario (possibly in a similar way that I have laid out the above scenarios.) Are you able to see both sides and the possible frustrations each may be having?

Some of you may be in a place where neither of you are at a "low" but can you think of one that you have been through?

In these moments/periods of time (sometimes lasting months or years), marriages are either built up or the foundation is being torn down. What have you done to make it through the low times? Do you feel that you've ever failed during a low time-what can you do about it now if you have?

I will share my thoughts next Monday (Lord willing!) but I'd love to hear yours!

Blessings & Peace to you!



Janice said...

Thanks for your marriage posts. It can be a test at time to be married. My husband and I are not at a low right now in our relationship, but we sure have had our lows. My husband suffered with depression, and an addiction.
It was very hard for years our home was in a constant fight between good and evil. I was determined that the Lord would win in my house. It took a really big fight. Finally, I would say after about seven years the Lord has finally won. We have peace and the spirit of the Lord in our home.
My life, my husband and my Children's life has changed for the better and we are now a real family. It is such a nice feeling.
I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I love sharing what I learned and what I did to keep going but I would take up to much space. I can now say I am grateful for the hard times that brought us together. I would tell anyone to not give up and live your life with the Lord and He will bring the blessing you are looking for.

Anonymous said...

Another wonderful post, Shanda, and very timely. I am particularly blessed by Janice's comments above.

I have found that so far the Lord has been gracious to us in that there has not really been a time when both my husband and I have been low. When I am "low", he is "high" and vice versa. Right now I am high and my husband is low - lately he is really grieving over my daughter's disability. It can be lonely being "high" while your mate is "low." That's where I am learning to lean on Jesus.

Here is the blessing in Christ: I know for a fact that we both can go so low, weather the continual storm, and STILL find a greater intimacy. God's awesome like that.

Kathryn said...

Shanda, I want to encourage your readers in praying for their spouse. Sometimes, one may think that the prayers are going unanswered, but the Lord is a redeemer; He hears the prayers of the righteous (reference Proverbs 15:29, James 5:16, 1 Peter 3:12).

My husband is a good man, a Christian man, but I have prayed for his continuing sanctification. My prayers have not been answered overnight, but the Lord is most definitely fashioning him into the man that He intended him to be. In retrospect, it is amazing how much we both have spiritually matured during our marriage. Now that our 18-year-old nephew is living with us for a period of time, I am so proud and thankful to see the example that my husband is setting for this young man.
All glory and honor and praise to God!

Godiva said...

just stoppin' by via SITS to say hello!