Marital Moments Issue 24 - The Highs & Lows, Part 1

Many of us who are married have taken vows. Some said the traditional vows; others wrote their own. Most of us included a part where we vowed to stand by our spouse no matter what came at us in life. The part that has been most tested in my own marriage has probably been the, "in sickness and in health," section.

I knew my husband had a chronic illness that he would be dealing with most of his life; but I don't believe I could have known to what extremes his health would take us. There are times when it is tough being the spouse of someone with chronic illness.

Everyone goes through highs and lows personally - whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or Spiritual. I would like to discuss how to get through the time periods when your spouse is at a "low" in one or more of those areas. This is an area that I believe I have both failed in and done successfully over the years. It is often during these time periods when intimacy and communication are lost and Satan can effectively form a wedge between husband and wife.

Here are a few scenarios to allow you to further see what I mean by this:

A wife is pregnant. She is sick, tired, demanding (after all, her husband got her pregnant), and defeated (her body is losing shape and she wants to feel better). Her husband is frustrated, drained from burning the candle on both ends, and desires to be able to just relax...neither of their needs are being met.

A wife is dealing with the loss of a parent. She is emotionally spent, confused, hurt, and cannot seem to get motivated to do the tasks of everyday life. Her husband has been very understanding and has taken up several of the everyday tasks, but is now getting frustrated that his wife isn't "snapping" out of it.

A husband has just received a promotion and orders to move to another state. He is excited, but also feeling the pressure to "perform well" on the job. Much has to be wrapped up before the move. Balance of life has been shifted right now - his career has taken top priority. The wife has suddenly received the news that they will be moving. Her emotions are running high - she will be leaving friends, family, and a school she has felt good about her children being in. Her husband doesn't seem to care or have time to discuss her emotions and she is feeling like most of the physical/household pressures of moving fall directly upon her.

What is your current scenario? Are you or your husband in a "low" moment? Take a couple of minutes to write out your current marriage scenario (possibly in a similar way that I have laid out the above scenarios.) Are you able to see both sides and the possible frustrations each may be having?

Some of you may be in a place where neither of you are at a "low" but can you think of one that you have been through?

In these moments/periods of time (sometimes lasting months or years), marriages are either built up or the foundation is being torn down. What have you done to make it through the low times? Do you feel that you've ever failed during a low time-what can you do about it now if you have?

I will share my thoughts next Monday (Lord willing!) but I'd love to hear yours!

Blessings & Peace to you!

Shanda