History tends to repeat itself. Fashions that have gone out of style return, we hear ourselves sounding like our parents once sounded to us many years ago, people used to have to use a block of ice to keep their food refrigerated.... o.k., perhaps this is just our family repeating history. Can you believe that the day after (not even 24 hours had passed) our deep freeze defrosted, our refrigerator compressor died? I was cleaning up in the kitchen when I noticed a slightly orange puddle growing in size beneath the freezer side of our refrigerator. "Are you kidding me?" was my first thought. I'd really like to say that I told myself, "It is what it is" and moved on in the grace that I had experienced the previous day, but that isn't exactly how it went. The children who had been so good and worked so hard the day before weren't prepared to use that much self control again today. They had already played Webkins and Xbox, had juice boxes, snacks and T.V., what was going to be in it for them today? With no frozen treats to use as leverage, I knew it was going to be a long morning. I tried to get the kids active coloring, reading, even painting (although it caused even more mess and I think I spent more time setting it up and cleaning up than they spent painting.) It all boiled down to that hated phrase, "BECAUSE I SAID SO!" My oldest has the wisdom to know that when that phrase is uttered, it is best to take refuge in the basement watching a video. She corralled the other two and down they went, quiet at last.
It was then that the Lord began speaking to my heart. I had asked for the Lord to show me the "good" in our deep freeze defrosting. Well, we now had plenty of space for all of the frozen items and anything else I could freeze from the fridge. That was one thing. Reflecting on the spiritual lesson that He had shown me the previous day, that it only takes us leaving the door of our lives open a crack to let sin cause destruction in our lives, I began to open my heart and ask the Lord if there was a sin causing destruction in my life that I needed to take care of. Sure enough, history was repeating itself again. The sin that had once again found it's way into my life was a combination of comparison and discontentment. Although I have dealt with those time and again in my life and thought I had conquered, here they were again wreaking havoc internally.
Take a look at the photo of the kids that I posted today. My husband took it this weekend while we were hiking as a family. I love this photo, not because of the clarity or awesome composition (sorry honey!) But because it shows where we are in the path of life right now. Our youngest so desperately wants to be like his older siblings. To be able to do what they do: sit at the table in a big chair, drink from a "real" cup, brush his teeth on his own in the bathroom, play Legos, etc. But try as he might, he is always a few steps behind. Now we can look at it and see that he is much younger than they are and it will come in time. But his perspective is different. He wants what they have and cannot understand why he cannot have it. It simply isn't his time. I too was the youngest in my family. The smallest of four children. I remember how much I hated the words, "you just have to wait until you are older." History repeats itself.
Now maybe it is because I was the youngest in my family and it is a familiar struggle for me to compare and be discontented, or maybe it is just that satan isn't really that original and he finds the sins that work to dissuade us and continues to lure us in those directions. Regardless, here I was again faced with the choice of repenting and being restored, or allowing my self to wallow in what I "didn't have." I know that God in His sovereinty can step back and look at us walking down the path and see why we cannot do what we want. Sometimes it is a matter of time. Other times He simply knows what is best for us. While we get frustrated and cannot always understand, we need to trust that God does want what is best for us and He will provide everything we need in His time. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord. As the heavens are hgiher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
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